3 Steps to Bring the Best Out of Your Children
3 Steps to Bring the Best Out of Your Children
By Anitra Durand Allen
Growing up my parents always pushed me to be the best I could possibly be. Born in the late 1970s, on the tail of end of what is now known as Generation X, much of my perspective on the world was shaped by the influence of music, the advances and shift in the everyday use of technology and the notion that neither race nor gender was going to hold me back from being whatever I wanted to be. And my parents gave me every opportunity to excel and flourish in whatever I chose to do.
But as the mother of two little girls of Generation Z: one an All-American athlete and the other the founder of a girls’ confidence conference, my perspective and approach to parenting is quite different from that of my own parents’ because the world is a vastly different place than it was when I was growing up.
And while my youngest loves the idea that she gets to make her bed with her mom’s Smurf and Lion King sheets (OK, yes I was little old for Lion King sheets… sue me), the process of nurturing and developing them into the outstanding young women I know they will become is much different from the way I was reared.
So for those of you raising Generation Z, like myself, here are three tips for bringing the best out of your children.
1. Never dismiss their ideas. The idea that children should be seen and not heard is no longer a widely accepted parenting practice and has been classified as a parenting myth by adolescent psychologists. If their mind can conceive it, it’s worth your attention. And while my daughter’s suggestion that she make money by dancing on the street with a hat was not the best idea, (“But they put money in that hat!” she insisted), her desire to help her community landed her among 20 other fabulous children whose parents and caregivers gave their ideas the time of day. Gently redirect ideas that are improbable to something more feasible and support them in the process of bringing those ideas to life.
2. Help them stick to it! Do not allow your children to back out of commitments they have made to a team, a project, or an event. Sometimes in the process it gets tough, or they discover that it’s not what they thought it was going to be. Help them to understand that their word is their bond and the commitment they made is far more important than their personal enjoyment. Had I allowed my youngest to drop out of track and field once she realized that running made her tired and it was hot, she wouldn’t be the 6th fastest 8 and under girl in the country today. After all, she likes winning much more than she hates practice.
3. Be honest… about it all! We often shield our children from too much thinking that if we tell them the ugly truth they will become harmed, or corrupted in some way. Many times, our children are far more perceptive than we believe and when faced with the truth are capable of responses we never knew they had in them. My girls absolutely LOVE the a cappella group Pentatonix. One of their favorite songs, until recently, happened to be their cover of Daft Punk’s “Get Lucky.” It took me several weeks to determine exactly how to communicate that I did not want them singing it because I knew they would ask why. And I finally decided, just be honest, and told them not to sing it anymore. In response to their expected “Why?” I simply replied, “Because it’s about sex.” Both stunned and a bit repulsed, they each said, “Well I won’t sing that song EVER again.” Most times, honestly is the best policy.
I’m Anitra. I’m a wife and mom of ridiculously talented children. As an author, speaker and life and relationships coach I am passionate about helping other wives and moms experience the difference of marriage that works, parenting that works and how to live a blissful life. Join our blissful community at
http://www.anitradurandallen.com and get your FREE blissful relationship guide.
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